“My ex-boyfriend was a rubbish kisser!”
He’s helping girls banish their guys’ bad habits on his fab new TV show Brian’s Boyfriends, but how has Mr Saturday Morning dealt with his own boyfriend blunders in the past? Prepare to blush!
First things first, Brian – tell us about Brian’s Boyfriends, your saucy new TV show!
“The idea is that girls get in touch with us about their boyfriends. They love them, of course, but people can always be improved! So it’s just about altering a few things that annoy the girls!”
So what kind of ‘things’ will you be altering about the boys, Bri?
“Well, one guy was tanned from the waist up but completely white from the waist down! He had a really strong cockney accent and he only ever wore black, so we set out to change that.”
Blimey! Are you sure pointing out the blokes’ bad points won’t split the couples up?!
“Nah. It’s light-hearted, cheeky and run. It’s a bit like Streetmate (Davina McCall’s old show) with a makeover twist so I don’t think it would split anyone up! If they do break up, it’ll be nothing to do with me!”
OK then! So, have you ever tried to make over one of your boyfriends?
“Yes! I did that to my ex the whole time. Maybe that’s why he’s my ex! He wore suits to work and looked a bit prim, so I’d point out things like Levi’s Twisted jeans and say, ‘Would you like to try them on? They’d be a gift!’ So I’d try to experiment on him subtly! I wouldn’t ever say ‘try that on ‘cos you dress disgusting!’”
What are you going to do if you have to sort out a boy who’s a bad kisser on the show?
“Well, if he’s good-looking and up for it, so am I! But maybe we’ll ask random girls to kiss him! Actually maybe not, ‘cos then his girlfriend would be p*****d off. But it would be funny! And it’s in the interests of research – for her benefit. But I would be furious if it was me!”
Have you had any rubbish kisses?
“I’ve had some really bad snogs. My ex’s kissing was disgusting. It wasn’t even kissing! I was like, ‘get a bit of rhythm!’ It was like sticking my mouth into a fishbowl. I’d try and avoid kissing him in the end.”
So what makes a good snogger?
“I think it’s all about taking your time and doing it properly.
“You get to that point when you know you’re about to kiss the person and you’re thinking, ‘Oh my God’ and you go in! But don’t get your tongue out too much and start twisting it around. Get a bit of rhythm going and try to think ‘gentle and sensual’. Be aware what the other person is doing and work with them, not against them.
“And don’t be afraid to touch their face and the back of their head ‘cos that’s quite nice. Just don’t kiss like you’ve just shoved your face in a fishbowl. Believe you me, it doesn’t work!”
What celebrity boy do you reckon would be a good kisser?
“I’m sure Justin Timberlake can kiss! And I bet Daniel MacPherson from The Bill can, too. He’s very handsome. And I think Jonathan Wilkes (Brian’s old SM:tv co-host and Robbie’s mate) would be a dirty snogger! He’s never kissed me, though I have tried! Oh, and Tom Welling from Smallville. He is bee-yoo-tee-ful! But I could, never, ever go out with somebody like that – my insecurities would be running riot!”
If Tess and Vern were on Brian’s Boyfriends, what would Tess change about him?
“That’s a toughie, ‘cos she loves him to death. They’re actually made for each other. I don’t think they ever fight and he’s always texting her to tell her how much he loves her.
“The only thing she might change is the fact that he’s very ickety-pickety around the house. He’s always saying, ‘Mind the carpet, take off your shoes!’ So I think she’s a bit like, ‘OK Vernon, relax, chill out, I can hold a glass and not spill anything!’ He’s very house proud is Vern!”
How do celeb boys measure up?
He’s dishing out tips to ordinary blokes, but how does Bri rate these famous fellas?
“I’m glad he’s changed his hair – those twisty bits weren’t working for me. He’s growing into his looks now, but he was dressing very clean cut before. Now his hair’s longer, his shirt’s open and he’s wearing trendier clothes. It’s the next sexy Gareth!”
“He’s amazing, but he needs to keep his head shaved to stop that curly hair coming through! I didn’t like the hat thing either, but Justin’s so handsome he can get away with most things. He should definitely keep his head shaved and watch the stubble – maybe keep a little, but not too much!”
“Charlie’s really handsome! I think his thick eyebrows suit him and I like his hair. I wouldn’t dress like Busted, but they do look good. They’re a bit punky, but they’re not too extreme. They’re ‘punky-nice’! I just hope they don’t end up with piercings and tattoos. They’re not my thing.”
“They’re really nice guys. Westlife have been successful for so long they can afford to experiment a bit if they want. What they do works, but maybe they’re moving on, ‘cos kids don’t want people sitting on stools any more.
“They look amazing. They’re very boisterous, though – a bit of a handful! Anthony’s very sweet and a bit quieter than the rest, Lee’s the bad boy, Duncan’s a bit of a ladies’ guy and Simon is quite sexy. So out of all them, I’d say Anthony would be the one at home cooking dinner – wearing his pinny and maybe nothing else! Shepherd’s pie is my favourite, Anthony, if you’re reading this!”